Begin Again

I think everyone who has struggled with their weight has promised themselves that they will start dieting on a Monday, or the first of the year, or the first of the month, or the first of the month that is a Monday.

I used to start my diet journals with optimism--with lofty goals of losing enough fat to turn a specific boy's head. I projected out weeks and months: by ThanksGiving I will weigh x and I won't eat those gorgeous pillows of speckled stuffing. I'll look too good in that purple dress...and the gooey under-layer of the pecan pie will not sing to me with its sweet, ooey, gooey song. I'll look so good that I will not let my loved ones cajole me into just having a little bit because it is a holiday.

But I never make it to the projected event. I record each bite and guess-timated calories. By Day Ten I want to give up and I do.

I am always wishing for a different version of myself. When I lose weight, then I will...

But I am starting today, with a different approach. It is a Wednesday. It is at the end of the month. I will not be perfect. I will screw up and eat too many JellyBellys and/or frosting from a tub. But I will plug away. I will get back up on the keyboard and be accountable to myself.

What has prompted this new promise to myself?

They weighed me today at the doctor's office. And for the very first time in my life, my number began with a 3. Yes, 301 pounds of ME. And I will halve myself. I don't know how long this will take but this trip starts today with this single step: I am committing to losing half of myself. In doing so, I am curious as to what I might gain. This blog will be my witness and record.

And so I begin....